I remember the day vividly.
I rode my bike to Olivet Lutheran Church for their summer bazaar. There were plenty of community members circling tables and chatting. Popcorn and hot dogs, a small band playing in the grass.
And silent auction tables…
On one of these tables was the BIGGEST CANDY BAR I HAD EVER SEEN.
I put money together to buy it with a friend. We didn’t go further than five feet from the silent auction tally. If someone bid, we would add another dollar. As we got desperately close to our final budget, the church bells chimed and the silent auction was over.
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
My friend Tim offered to ride with his mom and bring the five pound Hershey Symphony Milk Chocolate bar back to our block. Again, I was on my bike and couldn’t handle the candy bar and peddle at the same time.
I arrived home and had Tim meet me down the street.
Then, like a hunter with a prize buck, I asked Tim to take my picture with our prize. This photo below is the evidence that I had one amazing day that involved enough chocolate to put me in a diabetic coma.
Now, more than 20 years later. Here is what I wish I could have said to young JJ that morning.
#1 – DO NOT WEAR MATCHING SWEATPANTS AND A SWEATSHIRT AS AN OUTFIT. You are better than that. Your mother picked out some lovely clothes. How about that awesome Space Jam tank top? Or shorts, even swim trunks, anything else.
#2 – No one needs that much chocolate. In fact, as soon as you take the wrapper off, you are going to find that this is incredibly hard to cut. You will use an electric carving knife and end up cutting your hand. Put it in a clean garbage bag and smash it to the ground. Like when you need to break up a bag of ice. It’ll splinter and you can go to town.
#3 – You will end up on a mailing list for a church that you don’t even attend. After years and years of receiving mail and invitations to other events – you will write “Incarcerated” on a piece of mail to get it to stop. It worked…for a little bit.
#4 – This memory will be incredibly embarrassing when a girl you like finds this photo. Practically blackmail.
#5 – Wait a few years and realize that even on the days you look silly, it will have been completely worth it. When the sun shines just right and you hear a church bell in the distance…you’ll stop at a gas station and get a regular sized candy bar. You will enjoy the simplicity and remember this day while you look at the scar on your hand from where you sliced it with the electric carving knife.
“If I Could Tell Myself is a series of blog posts by radio host JJ Gordon musing about what he would say if he came face to face with his younger self. Wisdom, warning or wishful thinking.”
Additional Content by JJ Gordon:
KFGO Blog –
The Cardigan Cowboy
KFGO Blog –
A Final Fellowship
KFGO Blog –
A Tale of Two Murders
KFGO Blog –
The Three R’s of Remembering My Father
KFGO Blog –
Viva El King House!
KFGO Blog –
Goose River Flooding (includes drone footage)
KFGO Blog –
JJ’s Journey “Forgive Me Jenny, For I Have Carb’d”
(Listen to JJ Gordon every weekday from 11am to 2pm on
It Takes 2 with Amy and JJ
. On the Mighty 790AM KFGO or on our app!)
