Friends, perhaps you are the kind of person who never gives up, who perseveres through everything the DIY gods throw at you, who likes being on a first-name basis with the people at the hardware store.
My father fits squarely in this category.
I rather nonchalantly asked my dad to come over and tighten the kitchen sink. It was a little wobbly and the water was running slower than usual. No problem, right? Just a couple wrenches and 20 minutes of his day, right?
Let us review the story of Moses and the ten plagues. For 430 years, Pharoah held the Hebrews as slaves in Egypt. Moses repeatedly asked Pharoah to let the people go, Pharoah refused, so God sent the ten plagues to change Pharoah’s mind. Flies, grasshoppers, darkness, etc. The Pharoah was a stubborn guy, perhaps as stubborn as a Do-It-Yourself-er, and it was only after Pharoah’s firstborn son was killed that he let the Hebrews go.
Thankfully, plumbing doesn’t usually end in death, but let me recount the missteps that should have been a clear signal from God to call a plumber.
1. I called my dad to tighten the kitchen sink. Dads gonna be dads. There was no way he was JUST tightening the sink.
2. Water still flowing slow. Must be a problem with the line. Let’s replace the line(s).
3. Dad needs more friends in his life, so he sets out to make some new ones in the plumbing department at the hardware store.
4. The dishwasher line doesn’t match the rest now. Let’s replace that, too. Wait. How old is your dishwasher? Let’s buy one of everything in the plumbing department and hope something works.
5. The cat is wet. Why is the cat wet? He’s a troublemaker by nature, but even this is weird. The main water line leaked all night and half the basement is flooded.
6. Wow, Dad, you’re on a roll. Can I interest you looking at the hook-ups on the washer? Yes? Great! Can you put new hoses on backwards so the washer doesn’t work? Yes? Great!
7. Plastic isn’t what it used to be. Let’s just touch this shut-off valve and watch it fall apart.
8. Why is the fridge leaking?????
9. WHY IS THE WASHER LEAKING????? Oh, it’s not so bad. Let me just get a couple towels —
10. In all fairness, the other half of the basement needed a good flooding.
If you need me, I’ll be burning down the house.
