IN THIS PODCAST: Pattie Fitzgerald, author & founder of
www.safelyeverafter.com,
joins IT2 to talk about how we address our children after a school shooting.
From Pattie:
Like every parent, I am sad, angry, frustrated, sickened by the events in Parkland, Florida yesterday. I want it to stop, too. That will be for another blogpost. But for today, I’m getting calls from upset parents asking how we are supposed to talk to our kids after this school shooting in Florida. I hope the following tips will help parents in calming their children’s fears and need to talk about what’s happened. Right now, most kids need reassurance and help sorting out their feelings.
Here are her 12 TIPS:
1. The main concern most kids have today is their own safety and they need our reassurance. It’s ok to say to your child…
“Yes, a very angry young man hurt a lot of people. But you are still safe going to your school today, and there are a lot of adults there doing their best to keep you safe during the day”
. Our kids need to know that this is NOT an everyday occurrence, even if it certainly feels like that to us as parents, sadly.
2. Our conversations depend upon our child’s age and development. Ask young children what they have heard or what they know, tell them they can ask you anything but be careful not to overshare details that they may not be able to process.
3. Tell your children
“Most people are safe and there are many people such as teachers, nurses, firefighters, police officers, counselors who want to protect you and work very hard to do so, especially now.”
This reassurance is important for kids to HEAR right now.
4. If a child asks
WHY
did this happen… keep your answers simple.
“Someone was very angry and wanted to hurt people, kind of like a bully. Maybe no one taught him what to do with those angry feelings.”
With older children, you can continue:
“that’s why we want you to tell us about anything that scares or upsets you, or if you think another person needs help because they’re having big feelings, or angry feelings.”
5. If your child asks very specifically:
“What if?”
… It’s ok to say to your young child
“There isn’t going to be a shooter at your school.”
That is what they need to HEAR right now. If your older child asks
“What if?”,
tell them that
“because of yesterday, our schools are going to be even more protective than ever so that it doesn’t happen here.”
6. Limit the media input into your home; turn off the constant news stream right now. It’s not beneficial for your kids to hear the same story reiterated over and over again.
7. Let your child express their feelings of fear, confusion, anger, and wanting to know why it happened. Let them know they can share any feeling they have.
8. Don’t minimize or trivialize their concerns, but you don’t have to increase their anxiety by saying things like “there’s nothing anyone can do.” Steer the conversation in a way that feels more positive.
9. Be mindful of your tone. It’s fine to express sadness over this tragedy but try not to express a sense of fear. Our children take their cues from us in terms of how they should feel. Right now it’s our job to help them feel safe and nurtured, we should be focused on taking away their anxieties.
10. Unfortunately, schools are now having to do drills with students about hiding, hunkering down in the possibility of a shooter. Keep things in perspective with your conversations. Remind kids that we do all kinds of safety talks about fire safety, earthquake safety and even simple things like crossing the street, and that keeps us safe so we don’t have to worry all the time.
11. Watch for signs of distress in your child… how are they playing, what kinds of conversations are they having with siblings or playmates, particularly in your home/car/during a playdate.
12. Keep doing fun things with your kids. While it’s hard to plaster a smile on our faces right now, continue to do things that your kids enjoy… going to the park, out for ice cream, playing a game or even coloring with them at home. Give them a sense of security, continuity, and that things are OK for them right now.
Click here
to read more from Pattie….
Related Podcast:
Teaching Kids “Tricky People” vs. “Stranger Danger”
Pattie Fitzgerald, Photo courtesy of safelyeverafter.com
Visit her website
& check out her children’s books:
“No Trespassing: This is my body”
&
“Super Duper Safety School”
(Jack Sunday & Amy Iler are talk-show hosts at 790 AM KFGO in Fargo-Moorhead. “It Takes 2 with Jack & Amy” can be heard weekdays 11am-2pm. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyKFGO. Follow Jack on Twitter @nodakjack.)
